Talk like a pirate day


September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day.
But how does one talk like a pirate beyond saying "Arrr", or "Ahoy!", or "Jim lad"?
(Talking like a pirate's parrot might be easier. "Arrawk!", "pieces of eight!", "dead man's chest!". Priate's parrots can be random and ironic.)
Naturally, the web has the answer. Or an answer. Here it is:
- Double up on all your adjectives... Pirates never speak of "a big ship", they call it a "great, grand ship!" They never say never, they say "No nay ne'er!"
- Drop all your "g"'s when you speak and you'll get words like "rowin'", "sailin'" and "fightin'". Dropping all of your "v"'s will get you words like "ne'er", "e'er" and "o'er".
- Instead of saying "I am", sailors say, "I be". Instead of saying "You are", sailors say, "You be". Instead of saying, "They are", sailors say, "They be". Ne'er speak in anythin' but the present tense!

International Talk Like A Pirate Day began in the mists of the 1990s, when two Yankees, John Baur (Ol' Chum Bucket) and Mark Summers (Cap'n Slappy), be talkin' like pirates all o'a sudden. They decided that, to further the noble causes of the sweet trade of piracy, September 19 each year be the day when all souls over the world should be talkin' like pirates. For years, their valiant efforts were wasted, until they contacted a man by the name of Dave Barry, who be writin' a humour column for the great masses o' landlubbers out yonder. ...

Indeed, it took the lubbers only an hour and a half to fail.
Stop Press: This Ship Has Sunk
Day 19, 22:30
The Housemates can swashbuckle all they want but it won't change the fact that they have already failed the pirate task.
Incredibly, their chances were scuppered just an hour and a half into their voyage on the high seas.
Thanks to shoddy shipmates Anthony, Saskia and Maxwell forgetting to don their hats, the crew incurred three fails. Big Beard ordered only two a day would be acceptable.
...

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